we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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