I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
