Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize