Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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