I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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