The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
