I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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