4 words: hood of his car
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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