a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
