How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
