If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
