I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Randomize
