He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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