I accidentally had phone sex last night
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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