i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
