Please, let me fuck your mom
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
