my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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