Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You're a waste of cheezeits
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Randomize
