This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
