I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
