youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
