What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
