So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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