Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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