I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
wakey wakey hands off snakey
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
