...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
