This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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