How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
