no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
