i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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