Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Congratulations! We have a period
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
