dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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