you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
