i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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