it hurts more in the daytime
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
my poor anus
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
