You're completely useless in the revolution.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
