I just cut my nipple shaving
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
