Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
