i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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