she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
