i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize