I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
