ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
