but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
