Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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