I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
