She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
