You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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