Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Randomize
