u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
