Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
