I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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