my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Randomize