I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
