Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
