Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
