is your mom at the bar?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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