Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
