By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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