update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
