Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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