I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
