Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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