i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
