Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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