i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
