thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
